Barsexuality is the new black.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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