would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
