stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
