It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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