Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
