How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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