best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
