I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
