Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
