CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
