wat bout pragnant strippers??
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
