someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
