Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
