Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
accomplished twins. life is a go
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
