I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
