Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
