I heard we made out
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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