our cab driver is having phone sex.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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