How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
