My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
