what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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