dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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