You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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