I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
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