Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
