pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
