I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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