I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
