I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
