this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
