I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just cut my nipple shaving
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
