so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
