Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
