i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
