he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
