Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
