God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
