I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
