my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
