bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
