first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
