you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
