please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Someone came in the potted fern
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
