If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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