apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
