Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
