3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
