It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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