my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
