pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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